That song that accompanied me through the darkest point

One of my fave bands, Roxette's female lead, Marie Fredriksson had passed away. Those hits like Listen To Your Heart, Joyride, She's Got The Look, It Must Have Been Love, Dangerous, Spending My Time etc are those songs that accompanied me on my growing up period. Don't get me wrong, I'm not from that era it just that I prefer music from the 80s and 90s. That this song, that accompanied me through 1 of my darkest times few years back.

 

Roxette - Spending My Time

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I was listening to this song just now from my mp3 player in my phone. Damn, all the shitty memories flooded back and tears started to roll down. Nevermind, after this song, the next was 'Breakeven' by The Script, damn player! I guess by published the lyrics here will be better understand of why it was a song that I have been listening to back then.

Lyrics

What's the time?

Seems it's already morning

I see the sky, it's so beautiful and blue

The TV's on but the only thing showing is a picture of you

Oh, I get up and make myself some coffee

I try to read a bit but the story's too thin

I thank the lord above, you're not here to see me in this shape I'm in?

Spending my time

Watching the days go by

Feeling so small, I stare at the wall

Hoping that you think of me too

I'm spending my time

I try to call but I don't know what to tell you

I leave a kiss on your answering machine

Oh, help me please, is there someone who can make me

Wake up from this dream?

Spending my time

Watching the days go by

Feeling so small, I stare at the wall

Hoping that you are missing me too

I'm spending my time, watching the sun go down

I fall asleep to the sound, of tears of the clown

Prayer gone blind

I'm spending my time

My friends keep telling me, "hey, life will go on"

Time will make sure I'll get over you

This silly game of love you play, you win only to lose

Oh oh

 I'm spending my time (spending my time)

Watching the days go by

Feeling so small, I stare at the wall

Hoping that you think of me too

I'm spending my time (spending my time)

Watching the sun go down

I fall asleep to the sound, of tears of the clown

Prayer gone blind

I'm spending my time

I can't live without your love

I'm spending my time, uh I'm spending my time, my time, my time

The bed is too big without you honey, honey ? 

(I'm spending my time) oh oh

 

This is a personal life experience that I went through. In somewhere end of 2016 to mid 2017, I was in a depression state. As in, yeah, I was suffered from a depression. I almost on the verge of ending my life. A few times I wanted to call it an end but it was the sign of my mom and nephew that I couldn't bear to do it. The reason I was suffered from this was mainly of a complicated relationship that I was involved when things just happened where it not meant to be. I wouldn't wanna elaborate more as I think I did back then but no point talking about it now. Beside that, bits and pieces of the field I was in (yeah this field), those backstabbing stuffs, people's views on me blah blah blah, were driving me nuts. I even went away for a period, didn't wanna faced anything. Just doing my own stuffs. It is not an easy path for me.

Finally, I got it over and it a self taught lesson. Alot of things I would mind be it it just an small issue or someone I didn't know. I cared too much too. It is not a bad thing but end of the day, I got myself hurt. So now I learn the hard way. I choose not to see, listen or even talk about stuffs that are non of my concern. Even it involves me, I choose to ignore as, as long my conscience is cleared, why should I care about what others think about me. You are not me or either you know me well too. I also didn't mix around that much even my own friends as I rather keep to a certain distance to avoid any drama. So most of my times are either at home, gym, work or me time. At times will bring my folks out for dinner. Sounds pathetic but I'm much happier person now. Some people are just plain toxic that I rather stay a distance. I rather pamper myself now than to try ways to make someone or people happy. No one will praise you but will remember you when you make a mistake. Or rather, people will only praise you when you are six feet under. Don't believe, look at those celebrities that passed on. When they were alive, did anyone mention how good they were? You only get to know it after they were gone. I'm selective to treat people well now. Even to work, people might find me strict on rules but I rather be upfront than do shit stuffs behind right? If you respect me, I will return the favor that what you should have.

So moral of the story, love yourself. Don't let a shit stains onto you. Stay away from toxic person or people that bring you down. It ok to be a loner but not someone who lives the life on others' hands. You control your own life so live with the painting of your own hands.